The Bear

Ok, be forewarned this might be a bit depressing.

Death to me is like a bear standing on the side of the road. Sometimes he is sleeping, carelessly wandering around, or eating berries, but right now that's not the case. Right now that bear is standing straight up... Waiting. I hate when it waits. I wish he would just charge and get it all over with. I know he's there, I can see him, and yet he insists on dragging things out. Like he has to put fear into me. Trust me that fear is there... it's been there all along. Over the last few days he has been playing games with me. One second running at me and then stopping to go back, and the next moment he is more relaxed. Never quite off guard though. You can tell that in the back of his mind he is plotting something. Something that I probably don't like. He has a spark to his eye that lets me know that things aren't always what they seem. That good times can so easily go bad, and when I think it's almost over it really isn't. I HATE THESE GAMES!! I don't understand them, and I don't know the rules. Why do we always have to play like this... why can't I make the rules sometimes. But I never will... it's not my choice. It probably shouldn't be either, but sometimes I really wish it could be though. I don't think that bear is going to relax any time soon. I don't think he can now... we are too far into this game. Soon, very soon I believe, he will pounce. Hopefully after that he will go back to eating and sleeping so I can rest awhile. Then I will wait, until the next game starts... waiting... always waiting...

Valentines Day

Ok, so I'm in the mood to rant and rave at the moment. I really don't like Valentines Day. If you need a special day to tell the person you love how to feel, then you don't deserve them. I hate all the pressure that surrounds Valentine's. I would much rather have Todd come home on some random day with flowers and make me dinner. It seems more romantic and heart-felt that way. If it's on Valentines it feels like he had to, rather than him really wanting too. There are 365 days in a year, why can't he do things on any one of those (he does by the way). There was a commercial awhile back for Kay jewelries that had the jingle "Every kiss begins with Kay" and it would show a guy with some huge diamond and a girl who was kissing him. Ok... to me it just seems like they are trying to say that anything less than a diamond won't make her love you. WRONG!! It's not the rock that shows me Todd loves me, its the guy. If it takes a diamond to make a girl love you guys, she's not the one, and when the money runs out so will she. It's just an overrated day of diamonds, flowers, chocolates, and balloons. Plus if you are single on V-Day the world looks at you like "Oh, I'm so sorry your alone!" My heavens... if everyone coddled single people all the time like they do on Valentine's, we would all be a bunch of dependent saps. I believe Valentines is just another day on the calendar. If you so choose to take your loved one out and do something romantic so be it, but don't do it because the calendar told you to!!

House Cleaning

I have decided that I really hate to clean, especially while I am sick. It's a bit weird, I don't mind actually scrubbing things, but the general act of picking up and putting away drives me crazy. My house is a bit chaotic right now. I have had a cold, which I hate, that has set me back a few steps. Not to mention that my 92 year old great-grandma had a stoke on Sunday which threw me for a bit of a loop. I especially hate dishes. There is just something about them that I loathe. It's weird because I hate not having clean dishes, but the actual act of cleaning them makes me want to vomit. I walk into my kitchen, look around, and then walk right back out. It's sad really, and sooner or later - probably sooner - I will have to change my ways so my kids don't learn my habits. I remember washing dishes as a kid, and actually trying to pay my parents to do them for me. Doesn't work to well when you have about 50 cents to your name and your 6 years old. In time my family moved house and... wait for it... WE GOT A DISHWASHER!! I believe whoever invented the dishwasher should go straight to heaven. Todd and I actually looked at buying a different house the other day and ruled it out because it didn't have a dishwasher. Sad isn't it. I also particularity dislike vacuuming. I'm not 100% sure why though. Maybe it's because I don't like doing the edges. I hate having to pull the hose out, find the right attachment, and then bend over the whole time I'm doing it. I don't understand why they can't make a vacuum with a longer handle so I don't have to play Mrs. Hunchback while I vacuum around the edge of the room. Well now that I've bitched I should probably go... and clean.... sigh.